Annett's Story

A day that our life still shapes... 

11 August 2005

The Zuccini accumulate bubbles, 19:30 o'clock, Hartwig normally is never late, at least not without a call, where is he?! At about 22.00 o'clock Hartwig is aimed to go to Friedrichshafen to a business date. Maya is tired and hungry, we eats always together at the evening ...

On the mobile phone the mailbox is active, in the office I can't reach him, at 21:30 o'clock I do fasten Maya in the baby bjoern, the evening is warm, to the office it is 15 minutes by foot, I see at the windows that the computers are still running, but from Hartwig no trace, we drive with the taxi to the station zoo, search and look around - embarrassment, drove to the simulator, he had a business date there, looking whether Hartwigs bicycle stands somewhere - but nothing.

Back into the flat, did call the neighbouring friend Anke, she comes along and takes care of Maya, a luck, I must get her asleep, around-carries is too arduously for us both, my nervousness rises obviously, I makes myself on the search for Hartwig, don't know where to look for him, but nothing, I have called my parents to come, I have called all hospitals, the fire-brigade, but nothing ..... WHERE IS HARTWIG???? - I bring Anke at midnight home, we look into each corner whether Hartwig would show up these, but nothing, my parents drive home, at the moment they can't do anything do for me - I am sitting in bed, hearing Mayas calm breaths, I am empty and full unrest at the same time. WHAT IS GOING ON THERE?

Ok, it was lately turbulent with us, here and there some diversities of opinion, but who does not have these, nothing of importance, thought I..., is there another one? In the company things are not to well,  could it be worse than we talked? He does not ...?! The planned wedding is not addressed at the moment, does Hartwig get cold feet...? Questions, questions and no answer, nevertheless it gets morning, it rings at the door - have I slept? I ran to the door with the hope that Hartwig stand before me, that he lost his keys or fall drunk or....

Short review

December 2003

On a Christmas business party we became acquainted and fell in love with each other. New years eave we spent together, two weeks later we decided to have a child together. One week later Hartwig moved to me. Can it be love..... YESSSS

April 2004

Hartwigs birthday gift - the first ultrasonic picture of our child - approx.. 6 weeks old:o)

June 2004

We moved to our first common flat - ("we looked at our faces an both of us knew that is our nest")

November 2004

The birth of Maya is introduced early, since there is some trouble. Hartwig was on a business trip, takes the night train, comes in the morning directly into  the circle hall. She comes by cesarean, our beautiful daughter Maya Sophie is born. 

Maya has a hole in the heart and a pneumonia. The first three weeks we spend with her in the Berliner Charité on the intensive care unit - at Christmas time we where allowed to take her home.

June 2005

The child cardiologist told us that Mayas hole in the heart (against expecting) closed up nevertheless alone - we were full of joy (there is still a displaced lung aperture, which must be observed, but nothing more).

 ... there follows a relaxed time, which we enjoy very  much, hot summer nights, we often stays overnight on the terrace like campers ... and much work at Hartwig.

... further to what happened

12. August 2005

The other voice at the telephone system introduces himself as policeman, snuffling and grumbling before himself, when he got the 106 stages to our home,  how long does it take ......

"Morning, do you miss someone?" I tremble, yes I do, yes, yes - come on, tell me something I think. The policeman looks at me, still grumbling, he was kind of insulted in the early morning to have to climb already in the morning such a long distance. "Mr. Distler is in the Virchow clinical center, here is the telephone number". "What has happened?", I asked. "Here is the phone number, call there", he didn't know anything more, he was already on his way out. I trembled as I was dialing the phone number, the lady on the station said that I should come as fast as possible ... brain bleeding, fall of the bicycle, fracture, coma, yesterday ...  I take everything with me, however I don't understand it. 

I became violently sick. Maya sleeps still, lucky nothing-knowing small kid. I calls my parents, they want do come as soon as they had breakfast, ok tighten, prepare Mayas bottle, diapers, clean new things, normally she is always with me, just a few minutes with other people, will that go well - I don't have another choice, finally my parents are there, I run the stages down, the taxi is already waiting, I cannot drive, howl the whole travel and nerve the driver why does it not go faster (morning rush hour), finally there, I must wait, then finally a lady doctor gathers me.

"Where is Hartwig?", "one moment please". She asks me, "you are not married, do you have a court order?". "No what is that, we have a daughter, half a year old". "A court order, authority for the bank etc., can you live independently? Your man will not be able to do anything in the next time for you, if at all....". "What is going on here, I would like to my husband, and flounder again loosely. "Ok I will do that for you, give me your papers". I bring you now to Mr. Distler, but you should however count with the worst.

There he is, the head is sheared, you sees that the head on several places is opened, everything is incrusted in blood and yellow from iodine and again these hoses, these large apparatuses at the the wall with all frequencies (... as with Maya - does it never end), but, I am also lucky and relieved, here he lies there, the man home I love, the father of my daughter, this valuable important humans, how could I have doubts, I take his hand, speak quietly, ask, laughs, cries, paints over its face, a luck, you are alive, you did not leave us and we will make these and which has happened and everything confused in disorder and ask and I tell him, but no answer, but no matter, he lives, he lives, he lives....

The sister comes, asks me holes into the belly, allergies, medicines, favourite food (and some more) prehistory, etc..... what do I actually know about Hartwig? What does it have to do with the sickness he suffered from more than ten years ago, the year at his parents and the freight of fear, he started talking about these just a little bit, but my head is empty.

 How was he in the last couple of weeks, he said that he was well, but you never now. Before that a  fall from the bicycle, where a woman ran into him, I was only notified a couple of days later by him, from the problems in the company also - in the evening hours we spend some time to eat, I was talking a lot over Maya and the day and.....I believe, that I never got a correct answer, if it went into the detail over things in Hartwig's person or concerned the company. And then he went again into his office, where he worked until late into the night and in the morning-grey again worked. In the early morning we drank a cup of coffee, he was winding Maya, while I prepared his bread and then he went immediately into the external office.

(What a shame, I think very often today, how little know of each other and we don't take the time to do so, as always ....!!!!!!!) 

Ok, the lady doctor comes, she has with the district court regulated everything, so that I get a support and can regulate all things with the company and otherwise all ways that concern us together, she crosses her fingers. What happened now and how does it continue? How is my husband (I have always spoken from Hartwig as my man), she explains me the disease picture, about how thing continue she can't say to much, time will show, I don't understand anything at all, bleeding in the head there must be something to do, what does Maya do, is everything at home ok, but I can't go from here, But I also have to go home ...

I thank her, did I really say thanks, I don't know, what do I do next, do I go to Hartwig a gain, no you can't go there at the moment, he will be examined in a couple of minutes, but I nerve her, come again briefly to Hartwig briefly, press mean head into his hand, the hand is completely white am smells after hospital, he smells after hospital so strangely, so differently, he is so jerky and I would like to say so many things and I say always that everything will be good, everything will be good, everything will be good ...

Large intimate thanks to all humans, who were anxious around us and still are and who whenever they could did help us -- in particular thanks to our dear parents! - -

... our brother and sister families, all our friends!!!

I would not like to forget all the physicians who did really great work, the care forces, and the first assistance, that human how made fast the assistance and the dear God, who did his own.

Thanks, Maya for your understanding in water-rich days, which you could not understand yet and my dear man for your constant positive attitude, thanks to your hard will, your strength and above all, that you never complained or deplored, I am very proud on what you did.