Hartwig's Story Part 1

My name is Hartwig Distler. I was born on the 27.04.1967. I had a   "Aneurysm" (bleeding brain) and a stroke. 

I am married with "Annett" (Distler-Bach) and we have a daughter "Maya Sophie". I love you very, very, very much! 

I was getting sick on the 11.08.2005. On my illness, the consequences, but as well the good luck that I had and have, I would like to report in the next weeks and months. 

We are now living at my parents on the country. To my parents "Heinrich" and "Lina" Distler, large thanks and love for the fact that they were always around and there for us. 

That applies also to my parents-in-law "Bernd" and "Helga" Bach. You where always around for us. We love you very much. 

Since my short-time memory suffers still much, I have do ask for your understanding for my language, since I often cannot say exactly, what I to actually would like to express. But each day it is becoming better and better and that is most important! Each day small steps, each day something new and each day the fascination how complex our brain is. To see, how complex our knowledge is, which we developed over many years. As bad as is is to suffer from such a disease, at the end I have survived the disease and I am very grateful for these. I have learned many new variants of my life!

I got sick on the 11.08.2005. Then I lay 5 weeks in an awake coma. I woke up again, when I was on the way to my therapy. In the following a short description of my disease history. 

To the prehistory it is well-known that Mr. Distler suffered from an aneurysm of the Arteria communicans posterior. The aneurysm was switched off operationally by clipping. A cerebral control angiography showed however that still another small remainder of the aneurysm was found. A further small aneurysm of the left Arteria ophthalmica was the diagnosis: 

Diagnosis:

• Aneurysm of the A. ophtalmica on the left of

• Aneurysmaclippung of aneurysm of the Arteria communicans posterior on the left

• ventrikulo-peritonealen Shunt

• Hydrozephalus malresorptivus

• Osteosynthesis of the left lower leg

• Osteosynthesis with Fixateur of the left lower leg

In September 2006 the aneurysm was clipped.

For the next 3/4 year ran everything problem-free. At the beginning of July 2007 I had an epilepitic attack.

First epelipectic attack at SAB at Communicans-posterior-Aneurysma, left site, with media partial infarct left site, ventrikulo-peritonealer shunt, condition after Clipping and Coiling of the ACP aneurysm left and Coiling of the Ophthalmica Aneurisma.

The following I recognize my self:

• strong disturbances of concentration, still present but getting better. I still can´t read a sentence from the beginning to the end. Once I reached the end of a sentence I forgot the beginning.

• I could´t read. I have to learn the ABC again. Thise was taking very, very long.

• The same problem with writing

• A large part of the math-module was defect, writing and thinking

• I did´t dream any more

At the beginning I had thought the "whole" thing will be done in half a year and then everything will be done. After a 1/4 year I noticed then that the whole thing will take much longer. Today I know that the whole thing will take much longer last. How long it will take, I can't tell as well as I still can't tell whether I get fully ok again. But that is not a reason to give up, instead it is a reason for me to become ambitious. It is interesting of how many steps complex things are put together and how many individual steps are required to learn something. I noticed and learned from how many facets individual things are put together. 

Most things were "hard to learn". It required every day, a certain continuity. I noticed there what children accomplish in there young years. The advantage I had was that I knew the goal where to go. Most important was to learn how long it takes "to learn" something. And the importance of the daily repetition. Over many years always the same thing again and again. The pleasure is that you get everyday a bit faster, slower than I expected, but improving everyday.

I never have thought about how complex it is to read a clock.  Of how many steps are required to do it. The first precondition is to learn numbers. Then you have to conclude the time from the position of the number and your knowing of the numbers. At six a clock e.g. the pointer has do be directed to the bottom.  But at "18 o'clock it has to go round one full time, but in a sense it remains in the same position. And which difficulties it makes still today what a "quarter of five" means. It took two and a half year to get there.  

This morning was very much strenuous. I have this web page list in Frontpage (program). I did only the resuming sides about the aneurysm. However to making the list took me 1 1/2 hours. More about this in the next couple of days.

Today I write about cutting hair and about sport.

Cutting hairs

By the aneurysm I had a "shunt", an injury at the head. By the injury at the head my head felt deaf and it was wounded. The cut was very unpleasant to cut my hairs. I bought therefore a cutter for the hairs. Cutting hairs with a hair cutter for the beard is making "fatigue". It lasts each time one, to 1 1/2 hours. The beauty is, that several different activities are linked together. The beauty about these is, that it is going faster every time. The whole handling becomes easier and goes somewhat more smoothly. Surely, that is with everyone the case, but with me it was particularly at the beginning very difficult to even adjust the beard cutter. It is also good, that you must make several steps after each other. That all may sound completely banal, but it is importantly that small actions are completed. 

Sport

I have begun to make sports beginning of 2007. Each day up to two hours. Sometimes running, sometimes riding a bicycle and some times Inline Scating. Everything completely slowly and with leisurely. At the beginning I needed all my concentration for the sporty activity, i.e. for example, running was the only thing I could do this time. After a while I could do some thinking in combination with the sport. The sporty activity becomes more and more the "secondary matter". First the sporty thing was the main thing, and now I can do again more on more thinking. When thinking something I now can make two things at the same time, e.g. individual words which you can repeat after individual times. The intervals should be individual, changing every day. Then you can test how many words you can remember in a certain time. At the beginning I could not even keep a word for a half minute. In the meantime that became already better. Each day a little more!!! 

A small setback was in July 2007 by a epilepitical  accumulation. There I stopped sporting for a while. But after some time I started to make sport again. The medicine was adjusted and I begun again to make sport. And that was super! 

By the way, it went today relatively well with writing. Still far away from "normality", however it went very well. If I however must think and write in a stressful situation I don´t have a chance.

Side remark: Translating this document was very difficult. It took me five hours to make the translation 

As you see, I do dodge around the most important chapters: Reading, writing, Math and concentration. The vocabulary is still missing there, to express what I really want to say. 

The obligation to express yourself is very good. I have learned very much words in the last few days. 

My brain is still like a filter. If I read a sentence to the end, I can't say the beginning any more. It became in the meantime much better, but it is far still from being normal. Again the bottleneck is also here with the "hardware" available. Again it is "exercise, exercise, exercise and again exercise". The sharp employment of everyday life situation is here very helpful for me. It is important for me that all things are repeated and repeated and repeated until it almost comes out of the ears. At the beginning I made the situations consciously simple. As time goes by things get more and more complex. As said, the Alpha and Omega when learning is the regular repetition.

In former times, before the illness everything fit in life together. I always made small step by step and always thought that everything fits well together. With the illness everything is then completely broken together. By now I know very well that most things I have learned before will be available again as soon as I get to know the "clue". But I have to learn letters before I can make use of these knowledge. But it is amazing to see how long it takes to build up these again. As said before, I could read and write without thinking about it. I learned it an it was always there. And from one day to the next I had to learn characters again. This was necessary to learn writing again. And only if I did these, I could manage to write full sentences again. I have recognized that many things will be there again as soon as I have learned the basics again.

Each day a piece more, first of all only a few characters, then more and more. At the moment I am still far away from normal writing, but it improves every day. At the beginning it took many hours to write only a few characters. But it took 2 1/2 years to get there.

As said I had used every situation to learn consciously. This attitude helped me much. Important was for me as well that I had much pleasure on many things. I have used everything to learn out of it.

A strong help was "Cogpack". After one year I begun with "Cogpack" to work. And it still makes a lot of fun!

As said, the Alpha and Omega is doing it again and again.

Troubles with recognizing colors

Since the beginning, 2 1/2 years, I have difficulties with recognizing colors. Seeing the colors themselves is working perfectly. But saying the colors correct is still a problem. As I said, seeing the colors is not a problem, but then saying the correct name of the color is the problem. The connection between the color and the name is making troubles. This means, if I must name the color the trouble starts. If I must provide a link between "seen" red and the name "red". At the beginning it was more or less coincidental what I produced there. Now after 2 1/2 it still makes some trouble, it is yet not problem-free, but much better again. But it still costs me a still effort to create these link. 

Living on a farm

We have lived until June 2007 in Berlin. Then we moved to the country, to my parents. As long as you live in a city you don't recognize it, but as soon as you are moving to the country site you will recognize it. The constant noise in a city makes you a bit jerky. If you can concentrate on a source it is not a problem, but during my sickness I had trouble when trying to concentrate on a source. It is getting better now, but it still creates some trouble. 

My parents went in the meantime into pension. So in a sense we don't have a farm any more, in terms of working. But on the surface of the yard these is still many little things to do.

 Most things are done by my parents, but every now and then I also can make a contribution. And each thing makes a lot of fun. Besides it helps a lot to learn again to do some manufacturing things.

A certain disadvantage of the life on the country is the fact, that due to my epilepsy I am not allowed to drive a car. Thus I am always a bit dependent or it takes more effort to get to a place. That was somewhat simpler in the city. The advantage is that you consider more carefully what you really want. If I really want something, then I can go with the bicycle to the next train station. 

It was actually always difficult for me to correctly make a difference between left and right. But with my illness it became even worse. The difficult thing is not only having to make a difference between left and right. It is just one of the difficulties. It is the number of things I have to do. And is takes very long to learn such "simple things" as "left" and "right". After two years I still have some difficulties to decide weather left or right. My daily schedule is in the meantime completely filled. And still I have new ideas. Sometimes it is relatively difficult to reject new ideas simply because I don't have the time. Simply because I do not have the time, and must therefore cancel many new ideas.

On some days it is very hard to get motivated. To learn things again that I learned many, many years already. Now I have to learn them again. But fortunately these days are relatively rare with me. There fortunately my neurobiological training comes into the "play" (before I made myself independent in the simulator technology then). On many places a kind of curiosity arises in me. In the meantime I understood many things more correctly (better), but it is still difficult to make a mew calibration. But these is something I need to think about myself, to have a good idea of what is going on .... but everything has a good "site" :-) ...

It is really difficult to make a new calibration every day. Each day so many things happen to me, Each day they have do be newly calibrated. 

I am each day always grateful for the fact that I survived. I enjoy each day, which I have the luck to live.

Hartwig Kurt Distler

born on the 27.04.67 in Neustadt/Aisch

Address

Hartwig Distler

Ezelheim 42

91484 Sugenheim

email: mad@vrtainment.de

Education

1973-1977 Basic school in Sugenheim

1977-1986 High school in Scheinfeld

1986          Final exam at school  (1.9)

1987-1993 Study of Biology in Würzburg and Tübingen

1993 Diploma Exmination (Total note 1.0)

Main subject: Biological Cybernetics

Site subjects: Electronic and Microprozessors, Biological Psychology, Microbiology

1993-1994  Diplomarbeit am Max-Planck-Institut für Biologische Kybernetik in Tübingen. Thema: Die Rolle von Augenbewegungen bei der Wahrnehmung der Länge von Linien.

10.1994-1999 Doctor work on the Max-Planck-Institut for biological cybernetics in Tübingen. Topic: Perception in virtual worlds.

27.05.2003 Completion of the doctor work: Perception in virtual worlds

2003

Allmann-Ward, M., Venor, J., Williams, R., Cockrill, M., Distler, H.K.,
Crewe, A., Heinz, T. (2003). The Interactive Simulator as a Practical Engineering Tool. SAE-2003-01-1505

Crewe, A., Distler, H.K., Heinz, T. (2003). Simulator Sound Objects - A Proposal for an Open standard on Sound Components for Driving Simulators.
SAE-2003-01-1440

2000

Distler, H. K., Gegenfurtner, K. R., Hawken, M. J., Van Veen, H. A. H. C. (2000). Velocity constancy in a virtual reality environment. Perception, 2000, 29, 1423-1435

1998

Distler, H. K., Van Veen, H. A. H. C., Braun, S. & Bülthoff, H. H. (1998). Untersuchung komplexer Wahrnehmungs- und Verhaltensleistungen des Menschen in virtuellen Welten. [Studying complex aspects of human perception and behaviour in virtual environments] In I. Rügge, B.Robben, E. Hornecker, F.W. Bruns (Ed.) Arbeiten und begreifen: Neue Mensch-Maschine-Schnittstellen, Lit-Verlag

van Veen, H. A. H. C., Distler, H. K., Braun, S. J. & Bülthoff, H. H. (1998). Navigating through a Virtual City: Using virtual reality technology to study human action and perception. Future Generation Computer Systems, 14, 231-242

Distler, H. K., Pelah, A., Bell, A. G. & Thurrell, A. E. I. (1998). The perception of absolute speed during self-motion. Perception, ECVP `98

Distler, H. K., Gegenfurtner, K. R.(1998). Einfluß der Größe bekannter Objekte auf Geschwindigkeitskonstanz. [The influence of object size on velocity constancy.] In Bülthoff, Fahle, Gegenfurtner & Mallot (eds.), Proceedings 1. Tübinger Wahrnehmungskonferenz, p. 48, Knirsch Verlag Kirchentellinsfurt, Germany.

Distler, H. K., Van Veen, H. A. H. C., Braun, S. J., Bülthoff, H. H., Heinz, W. & Franz, M. (1998). Navigation in real and virtual environments: Navigating a virtual landscape.

Distler, H. K., Van Veen, H. A. H. C., Braun, S. J., Bülthoff, H. H., Heinz, W. & Franz, M. (1998). Navigation in real and virtual environments: Navigating a virtual landscape. In M. Göbel, J. Landauer, U. Lang, M. Walper (Ed.) Virtual Environments `98 – Proceedings of the Eurographics Workshop, Springer Wien, New York.

Müller, K.R. & Distler, H.K. (1998). „Commercial off the Shelf“ – Can available products cover the demands of the armed forces? – Possibilities and Risks – Customer oriented product development. In DWT - Simulationstechnik: Ziele, Aufgaben- und Einsatzbereiche 

1997

Distler, H. K., Gegenfurtner, K. R., Van Veen, H. A. H. C. & Hawken, M. J. (1997). Velocity constancy in virtual reality environments. Investigative Ophthalmology & Visual Science, Vol. 38, No. 4, #370.

1996

Distler, H.K., Bülthoff, H.H. (1996). Velocity perception in 3D environments. Perception, 25 (Supplement), 58b. 

Distler, H.K. (1996). Psychophysical Experiments in Virtual Environments. In: Virtual Reality World 96 Conference Documentation, München 1996: Computerwoche Verlag AG.

1994

Distler, H.K. (1994). Die Rolle von Augenbewegungen beim Vergleich der Länge von Linien. [The role of eye movements in the perception of line length] Diplomarbeit, Universität Tübingen. Diplomarbeit, Universität Tübingen. Diplomarbeit, Universität Tübingen. Diplomarbeit, Universität Tübingen. Diplomarbeit, Universität Tübingen. Diplomarbeit, Universität Tübingen. Diplomarbeit, Universität Tübingen. Diplomarbeit, Universität Tübingen. Diplomarbeit, Universität Tübingen. Diplomarbeit, Universität Tübingen.

1967

Birth

1967

half a year

1969

2 years

1970

3 years

1971

4 years

1976

as Clown

1978

young Teenager

1981

Confirmand

1987

young man with 20 

1990

first version of the wild one

1992

second version

1993

third version

1995

Cheers!

1997

Presents

1999

Disney

2000

in Egyptian

2004

in Berlin 2004

2006

on the farm

2008

In the meantime I have a very regular daily routine. I get up between 4:30 and 5 o'clock. Then I have 2 hours to read my emails, to do something "Cogpack" (a computer program) and like now, write over my illness. 

My dear sunshine stands gets up at 6:15 and our little sunshine gets up 7:00. My wife goes working then and I take care of our little lady. It takes some time for her to get everything done. She always wants to do it on her own, but in many case can't do it at the moment. Then we have breakfast with granny and grandpa together. Then it goes into the kindergarten. Since my epilepsy I am not allowed to drive a car. Therefore the grandpa drive her with the car to the kindergarten. I am just joining them. From the kindergarten I go to making sports. I use the time when making sports to count numbers or to do some thinking. 

Then I have 2 1/2 hours for me to learn, to write, to make Math or learn type writing or some other learning. Then Maya comes home and we have lunch at home. After the meal for Maya she goes to sleep for some time. I also join here for a quarter of an hour. 

Then I learn again. In the afternoon Maya is with my wife. I spend most of the time to learn and to do some smaller things for me. And then it is already time for dinner. After that we play all together are then bring Maya to bed. One of us goes asleep with Maya (at least until she sleeps), the other one has some time to spend on her/his own. If I have "free", I normally do some learning or watch TV. I then go to bed between 21:30 - 22:00. 

Due to my epilepsy I try to keep a regular life time. Always getting up at the same time and going to bed at the same time. On the weekend normally sleeping a bit longer. As I said, with the epilepsy it is most important to have a regular sleep. And not like in young years to go sleeping at different times.

It is still difficulty to find determined things on the table. That generally depends very much of the daily form. If I am for example on the search for butter, that goes the following way: First of all I forgot what I was searching in a couple of seconds. Of course I know that it stands on the table, but I do not know exactly what I search. Then I must try to limit, to which category does it belong? Normally that happened within seconds, but for me it takes very lang. But with me it can partly take over one minute.  Preselection is partly rather lengthy. If I know what I am searching for it normally goes quite ok.  Sometimes it can take very long until I found what I was looking for.

Applies also here as well: It already become much, much became. But it is amazing out of how many single steps the searching is build up. In the "normal life" the first steps are relatively fast processed. It was not noticeable to me at all in the "normal life". Only as I got the disturbance by the illness, I noticed how importantly individual steps are really. 

If certain information is no longer available, you will notice there something is lacking and then you recognize how long it take then.

If I sometimes cook - which happens extremely rarely in the meantime - I come relatively fast into problems, as soon as I use more than one stove plate. With one stove plate it is in the meantime problem-free. But as soon as I use 2, 3 or 4 stove plates I am fast getting to a chaos. It becomes particularly clear with four stove plates. Already alone the fact that I must take care of four stove plates the same same time is very demanding for me. If it goes into the final phase, I am often overtaxed. Alone the coordination there already makes excessive use of my demands. As said, with one stove plate there is no more topic. But as soon as I must make several things simultaneous, I am relatively fast overtaxed. 

Cross word mystery
At the beginning I was already glad, if I had created a pair of letter in 10 minutes. There wasn't a chance to make something accurate. I always carried the solution of the cross word mystery with me. Simply in order to get again a feeling for the characters. After 2 1/2 years I am now ready to make some solutions. But is still mix up the characters sometimes. Still relatively little, but nevertheless I get already some of them correctly. For the remainder I must still look still into the solution of the cross word mystery. But that is also a good exercise, since I must note the words correctly in that exercise. And it is simply beautiful to see, how it becomes each day a bit better.

Scanning
Again such a small exercise. Scanning of a page into the scanner on the computer. The first task was to bring the scanner back to running. That took already 2 days, in order to bring the scanner back to running. Then to get everything working again took 3-4 days. But it is so beautiful to sit again at the computer. At the beginning nothing worked at all, but with the time I developed something like a "feeling for the computer". I should add that I was programming driving simulators before my illness. And each day it becomes a bit more what I can do at the computer. By my abilities in former times I am still far, far, away, but a beginning is made. 

I had already said it once, but I remark it again: It is amazing what I learned before my illness. One just does not notice it, how many thing you can do. Only by my illness I got aware of how many individual things my knowledge is made of. 

I started to learn English again relatively fast after getting sick. At the beginning nothing worked. No more letters, as said, nothing more at at. Then I concerned myself on learning the characters again in German. At that point I only was doing the little communication in German. After half a year I began again to learn English. I should perhaps mention that my English was relatively good before my sickness.  As said, I have started again after half a year to make English again. At the beginning it were only words, then at some point simple sentences, and then more complex sentences.

In the end I hang in English nearly at the some problems as in German. Reading is still very slow. If I read, I only read, but I cannot understand. As said before, at many places I had the some types of problems in both languages. But in both languages it make a lot of fun to be able to read and write again. It will take some time, until I can read and write  again problem free. But a beginning is made. And even more important, it make fun. 

Writing about my sickness was also very important. Also in English. Still I am a bit ahead, when writing in German. There the writing is still more "fluent". In English I used "Babel Fish". These was a very good basis. But the linguistic tuning must be done by yourself. Here as well everything goes in good steps ahead. As well is the looking for words in both directions a good exercise. 

Until I look up a word in the translation book, it still takes very long. But that is only a question of exercise.

Numbers

Counting with numbers was and is still very difficult. I still have difficulties with it. At the beginning even counting up to nine was difficult for me. I functioned at the beginning more or less like a random number generator. With the time it improved then. The next step was counting to 99. I here got difficulties with sorting the numbers. It is somehow easier to explain with there numbers up to 999. If I have the number of 127 for example, the speaking goes in such a way in German: First the "1", then the "7" and then the "2". Even today it is still very difficult to me. If one would make it "172", it would be ordered much more logically, but it is "127". It would be nice, if someone could explain to me why they made these? The numbers are always packed as a triple. Why is it like that?

A further characteristic lies in the mode, which I use. If I count only mental, that can be done in the meantime "to some extent well". As soon as I speak however loud, I start do disorder again the numbering? I would also be very grateful for solutions here!

If I count momentarily numbers to 9999, then it can be done at least in mental mode "ok", but with the number is getting larger I have these problems again. E.g. 432467981 still take very long do get this correct. It becomes a bit better when I use the "triple" strategy: 432 467 981 I get much faster to a result. The whole thing is already somewhat more structured. If I am allowed to make it on paper, it goes substantially better, as if I am only allowed to  "speak". 

Here applies as well: Each day it becomes a bit better. Each day a little more. And again I can only say, how complex the hole thing is! It would sometime of course be very nice if things would go a bit faster. But then one would not notice, from how many components everything is set up. 

At the beginning ever reading and writing was very difficult. In the meantime I am already much further. Reading and writing is depending a bit on the daily form, but as compared with 2 1/2 before it became much better. 

If I read something, then it is still somewhat coming to a hold, however it became much, much better. At the moment I am at a stage at which reading is quite ok, but I cannot understand what I am reading. Thus reading some extent goes is ok, but all my concentration is occupied by reading, I do not understand what I am reading. In order to get to the understanding, I need some time after reading in order to put things together fully.

Sometimes I notice also, how I read somewhat completely different to what I am actually reading. Only at certain words it gets noticeable to me then, that I read something completely different. That is somewhat amusing, but since I that these will be managed at sometime I don't worry about it. 

With some articles reading goes in the meantime nearly "automatically", with other articles it is still very, very slow and stocking. If I read a certain style already some times, it is fast improving. If I how every didn't read that style it is going very slow and stocking. 

I guess that I am working in a simple "statistical machine". I just must read something often enough to learn the reading. 

At the beginning of my illness I could neither read nor write. There you recognize how difficult it is to setup a communication with someone else. At one time one has no more means and ways to make itself understandable. I wanted, but I didn't have any "tools". How do I communicate without reading and writing? 

Reading and writing is not something that you can learn in a day or two. It takes very long and you have to learn to be patient. After 2 1/2 years is the character spell again to a certain extent there, but it still does not run "automatically". Still a certain effort stands behind it. But it is already much, much better.

I have learned verbally and in writing (letters). At the beginning I could say or write only a few letters. One hour passed and I only got a few letters finished. After some time I always wrote the characters pre site (every site), or I spelled a character for some time. At the beginning I adhered strictly the order ("ABC"). After some time I selected the letters purely coincidentally. Then I began with large and lower case. At the beginning I wrote each character for one page. Then with the time I began to write the characters randomly. At the beginning I wrote small and large letters separate, but after some time I mixed them all. The whole process lasted up to more than one year. I naturally made other little things in the meantime (learned).

Then I made very short sentences. I made "child sets". And then sometime more complex sentence. Always all piece for piece. Always a little more. Both reading and writing are still very far away from normality. You have to learn to get patient. And always learn, learn, learn and learn to get practice again. I repeat it very often that it is the "Alpha" and "Omega" of learning. 

During the writing I often notice, that I don't get the correct letter. It takes there some moments until I identify the correct letter. I have already written that before, that during reading I sometimes recognize that I read something different completely different from what I actually read. 

My daughter I now three. Fortunately I can already again to some extent read for her. Above all that is also a good exercise. Especially it is good that I have to read stories many times, reading it again and again. For example I read out the jungle book in this month already 20 times. And every time it gets better and better!

I have still difficulties to notice names. The whole thing begins already with the discussion of name. I have always thought that the learning of names should be very fast. But that is not the case, instead it goes very difficult to recognize and remember names. I remember vaguely that the name memory is decreasing with the age, but that alone cannot be the reason for it. There must be more behind it. One of the problems is surely that reading and writing of the names is very difficult. I can note a person relatively fast, but not the name. Even with persons from the family circle it took a very long time to remember their names. I.e. to connect their faces with their names. It became somewhat better in the meantime, but it is still far away from being normal. 

If you read foreign names, e.g. a Russian one, or a Japanese, or Chinese one it is very difficult to put the names together. With such names it can take very long to get it correct. This is including the pronouncement which is often very difficult. Reliably, there I had problems before my illness already often determine names to express be able. Of course, I had already those problems before I got ill, because it was always difficult to pronounce such syllable correct. But it went much more smooth before. One of the reasons my be that the appropriate syllables are not yet there available. I mean with that how syllables are pronounced. 

I had "giant luck" that I have survived all this. My wife Annett, my daughter Maya, my parents and my parents-in-law I want to think from the deep of my hard. Thanks that you were always where around. But also a large "thanks" on my will to survive. Each day which I am allowed to join you all, I enjoy two or three times more. It is simply beautiful that I still can be around. 

Some things of math we have already discussed partly as we discussed the numbers. That is also my main problem with mathematics. Here applies as well: All my concentration goes for something which is normally easy to do. Counting of numbers. It is still very difficult to do simple calculation of numbers, like e.g. 212 + 121 or 391 - 236 or 19 * 11 or 70: 5. Most of the time goes there "lost" with finding the correct words. And I still have to consider the arithmetic rules, getting those correct. Especially the signs "+", "-", ":" and "*" takes a lot of time. As well as switching between numbers and signs. Above all switching numbers after the calculation method makes very large difficulties. Thus for example 132 "plus" 18. Switching numbers after the indication and then back again. 

The same applies e.g. 1.8 + 0.9 to the "point" sign. That is still somewhat more difficult than before. Here you have two additional "." to the rules. 

Here applies as well: Exercise makes faster. I became much faster, my whole thinking is getting faster and more "fluent". At present switching between number and operational sign still needs to much time. But like I said before, in the last 2 1/2 years it became much, much better. 

I had some Phobias, i.e. fear conditions in some time of my life. However, in the last years it calmed down. When exactly it started to calm down I can tell. But I think that it happened five or six years ago. 

Essentially there are two Phobias, moving in different direction. On the one site fear of free places, on the other site fear of e.g. elevators. I think that it is the fear of dying behind that. But this is only my "assumption".

The first time it appeared at the age of 15 to 16. Some days were completely relaxed, some days were very difficult. The whole thing took about two years, but the calmed down.

At the age of 21 I had masers. That is actually a childhood disease. The whole thing lasted for four weeks and some more time to recover from it.

Then the Phobias came back at the age of 22. I stopped studying for one year and stayed the time with my parents. Some of these days were very difficult. I got accumulations, got partly no more air and trembled over hours at the whole loaf. After one year I began to study again, then directly also changed places. It has taken over 10 years until I had it under full control. However the last years everything went relatively smooth. Over the time I had learned to arrange myself.

Important was to me, that I was always "busy". I always had something to do. During this time I learned many things. I developed a variety of interests. That is one of the things I will always be proud of.

It is still difficult or in most cases impossible to process things in parallel. In the meantime I can work things with several individual steps. Thus step 1, step 2, step 3... those are processed in successive steps. Depending upon the task the number of things I can do has become more. But still it is very, very difficult to process things in parallel or even impossible. It is like a bottleneck in the memory. I forget relatively "fast" what I was working on. It became much better in the 2 1/2 years, but it is still far away from being. 

That is still a thing that concerns me a bit. As said, I am sure that reading, writing and mathematics will get ahead "relatively fast". But I an sure that I will be able to get it done. Also with the sequential working I am sure that I will be able to manage these. That is only a question of time and training. But I am still a bit worried about parallel processing. Doing things in parallel still worries me. There I did not find yet the correct handles. But time and advice will come. A solution will come there as well. 

The Keyboard

We have already been talking about the characters. But I want to do it again. It is really amazing how long it takes to learn something airtight. I started to do my writing on paper and verbally. Then I started using the PC more of then. It took more than half a year to find the "right" keys on the keyboard. I did try many different strategies including typewriters teaching. It needed several thousand key strikes to learn striking keys again. And still I notice that I have a certain hesitation until I strike the correct key. That is still a sign for not being sure that I had taken the "right character". It happens especially at characters that I barely use. If I for example try to use "+" or the "#" it still lasts some time until I found the correct key. 

Dreams
I had nearly one and half a year no more conscious dreams. I do not think that this is something tragically.  But it is one thing worth to mentioning it.

At the beginning I had to learn again characters. Then I began to copy sentences again. Since my memory is still very short-lived, I still have forgotten at the end of the sentence what I wanted to say at the beginning. Which some what more complicated words this was even at the beginning not possible. However it is a good possibility to learn new words. And especially at the beginning that is necessary. At the beginning these where just words like "I" or "you" where difficult, by now much things improved very much. In the meantime my vocabulary has grown very much. The exercise is now to remember some words - thus a set of words or parts of a sentence - and then to write them without looking at the template. In the meantime I, depending upon the organization of a sentence, am working with two to five words.

Text on two computers compare
I write a text on two computers. Into one version I insert some errors. Then I wait for one or several days to read the text again. I read then the original and the changed copy in parallel and try the to find the errors. Here it is primarily not the orthography that I am interested in. I am instead more interested to find the right positions in the text. I have problems whenever I read longer sentences at a piece. Then I have problems to find the correct place again, where I stopped to read. Whenever I read the original and the manipulated copy in parallel. This is something that I make e.g. by using Word. And then I have to search my errors. I do this by reading the text on the left side and then on the right side, trying to find the errors. Especially at longer chapters I have difficulties to find the right position. With this exercise it gives relative many variants which the length of the chapter.

If I did not write that yet: I am very, very proud on what I did get done in the meantime. As I said, I was convinced at the beginning that everything would be done in half a year. With the time I learned that these estimate was false. But I am very proud of what I did in the last 2 1/2 years. Also the fact that it lasts very long until knowledge has solidified itself. That is probably one of the most important experiences, which I made during this time. For some people that may be trivial. But for me that was not trivial. 

To notice that from one day to the next my "tools" where taken away. And how laborious to is to develop these tools again. After all that it was a much helpful experience. Now after I learned the characters again laboriously, many things re-established themselves "on their own". I notice now that many things were still there, just made a break during that period. Only at this point I did notice, how importantly the presence of fundamental things is. As said, I for my part noticed only then, why it lasts so long to build something from the scratch. Normally one learns piece by piece, everything goes in continuity. One does not notice at all, how difficulty actually learning is. That I was simply suppressing. And only by the blow-out of my aneurysm it became  clear to me, how difficult and lengthy the process of learning is. But as well, how much behind all that is.

It was important that I had my beloved behind all this. Annett, my daughter Maya, my mother Line, my father Heinrich, my mother-in-law Helga and my father-in-law Bernd. Without their support I would have had no chance.

Car sings can in Germany be used very well to learn the differences between numbers and characters. We take e.g. NEA - ZA -NEA. "NEA" is the region from which the vehicle comes. By this you know from where the vehicle comes from. Other examples are "M" for Munich, "B" for Berlin or "F" for Frankfurt. "ZA" are one or two characters in random order (at least to my knowledge). And then a number, in this case "123". I have and I learn thereby still letters and numbers together. It is still difficult to me to learn the difference between characters and numbers and reverse. The beautiful thereby is that the whole is not purely randomly. First the shortened name of the place where the car comes from, then purely coincidental characters and then a combination of up to four number digits. 

That was a perfect thing as long as we lived in Berlin. At the beginning I had to remain standing before each car and then it took some time until I got all the information I needed. By now it goes already with normal foot speed. But now we life on the country and it is a bit difficult to "find enough cars". But as soon as I come to a city, I do it again. 

Another good exercise is the indication of the date. Thus e.g. 27.04.1967. First you have a number of one or two digits, then a ".", which is relatively difficult to me. Then again one or two numbers, then again "." and then again four numbers. I is a quite good thing to check an encyclopedia, which gives a good variation of numbers. And you still can have some variations in e.g. doing the month written in full numbers, thus e.g. "April". 

I almost forgot this. But I spent a year on this. I spent nearly one year on this to see pictures and to name them. First I say the picture and then I tried to find the correct name. Since I did not know how to write at the beginning, my wife wrote the names of the pictures on the rear side of the pictures. At the beginning it was really like I did see the picture, but I couldn't name it. That has taken again very long. After a certain time, I viewed each day 600 pictures. I can't remember how long it took, but at the end of doing that it took me about 30 minutes to see and correctly recognize all pictures. Here a pair of examples:

I bought relatively early large letters (see illustration). For me the investment was worthwhile a lot. You get a much better feeling when touching the letters. I spent nearly half an hour each day with that. You get a much better feeling when touching the characters.

I started to write character in the computer in different sizes, different directions and small and large letters. At the beginning I had for example difficulties to remember characters in case they were not horizontally oriented.

Lately I have began to use syllables to create words. Syllables are the next semantic unit in the language. Here I started reading right now.

First Summary

What did I learn in the last 2 1/2 years, how am I ? I have learned the enjoy the live estimate. I enjoy each day on the new. I know now that the life is a gift. I forgot that in the daily hectic. 

Important for me was that I never gave up. I was nearly always of good hope that I will make it. Naturally the whole took much longer than I thought. But afterwards I have learned much more to get an better estimate of what I achieved. It probably will last much more time, until I get to an acceptable level at reading, writing and math. 

An important knowledge is confirmed: Without diligence, no price. Therapies are only a small stone of the entire mosaic. Therapies can give new ideas, of what to do. But daily practicing is the most important thing to learn new things.

One of the most important things is to enjoy your live and be happy. I was very importantly for me also that I always had my family around.

That was what I wanted to say for the moment. At some point I will at one or the other thing. If my wife finds the time, she will represent the whole thing from her view.